"This is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks." - Reality Bites
November 19, 2008
I'm Old! I'm Like the Cryptkeeper!
...to quote Jamie Lee Curtis, a la Freaky Friday.
That's exactly what ran through my mind when I looked in the mirror this morning. No joke.
I've never really felt my age. I've always felt - and some might say even looked, younger than my age. Even when I spotted my first wrinkle, the one right between my eyes caused from too much squinting, I didn't trip.
Then yesterday I noticed that my hair looked a little thin right near my temple area. I didn't think much of it as I knew it must have just been the way my hair was parted. But then this morning, fresh from the shower and combing my hair, there was no mistaking it. My hair was noticeably thinner. And I was noticeably freaking the eff out. (See above quote.)
When Steve got home from work I showed him my soon-to-be bald spot.
Me: Look what's happening.
Him: What?
Me: Look right here. My hair's thinning.
Him: Gasp! (Coulda done without the horrified gasp of air, right?) What happened?
Me: I don't know! I'm emailing my doctor about it right now.
Him: Oh no, my wifey's going bald.
Me: What if I do go bald? Will you still love me?
Him: We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Punk mofo.
Fortunately my doctor responded shortly thereafter and let me know it's common for women to lose more hair than usual after giving birth, and that it would resolve itself and grow back in the near future. So I guess I can keep my husband after all.
Also, when I looked at my outbox, the last four emails I sent to my doctor had the subjects: Pain/Numbness in Arm, Hair Loss, Dizzy Spells, and A Few Concerns. Hypochondriac much? When I told Steve I sent the Pain/Numbness in Arm email, he responded, "Oh great. Is your next email going to be I Think I'm Having a Heart Attack?
Today while I was driving down a street, a street I drive down at least twice a day, I passed a building I must have passed almost two hundred times before. But today I noticed it. Today I did a double take. I was adjusting my car visor and I happened to look up and see that on top of this building sat a bell tower. It looked so cool against the late afternoon sky. And I thought to myself, Wow, I never noticed that before. In all the hundreds of times I passed that building, I never took a moment to look at it, to notice it. I wanted to take a picture but the traffic light turned green and I raced off to the next To Do on my list.
As I drove away, I wondered how many other things I haven't noticed amidst all the busyness. It made me sad to think that not only are there cool and beautiful things right in front of my face that I overlook each day, but there are people I'm probably neglecting as well.
In my December newsletter I wrote about how I couldn't believe it was already the end of 2005 when it felt as though the year had just begun. I wondered how I overlooked the minutes and seconds, how they just passed me by in a whirlwind. I wondered how many moments I missed in the blur of those minutes and seconds.
And now here I sit, well past midnight, trying to squeeze in a little writing. Each day between a full day of work and a full night of web designing I try to squeeze in a cuddle with Steve and my son. And now I feel emotional about it all because I should not be trying to squeeze them in my schedule, rather I should try to squeeze the other stuff in between the cuddles.
That building was a reminder to stop and take a look around. Look at and appreciate the architecture of the old building, the intricate details of the structure and the history in the cracks and crumbles. Look at the blind woman feeling her way through downtown, and try to imagine how it would feel to live in complete darkness. Look at the people driving past me and try to picture where they're going and what kind of life they live.
Look at my boys and drop whatever I'm doing to cherish the minutes and the seconds with them every chance I get.
I first visited Melinda Maria's website after I saw her featured on the E channel talking about her beautiful jewelry and these cool Obama necklaces she designed. I browsed around her site and immediately fell in love with her Ganesha & Goddess of Power Necklace. After coveting this necklace day after day, not to mention dropping not so subtle hints to Steve, he finally bought it for me for my birthday.
Melinda's site describes this necklace as:
The all gold pendant is the Tibetian goddess of power, and the enamel piece is Ganesha, the elephant god who removes obstacles in your life to welcome new beginnings. It is a very powerful necklace to wear and will be sure to remind you of the strength you have within!
Steve teased me that I'm worshipping other gods. That isn't true, of course. I just love the symbolism of it. I've always held the philosophy of new beginnings. I believe every day is a chance at a new beginning. If you mess up today, you can start again tomorrow. And I always believed in and felt inspired by the strength we have within. I believe we all - especially women and mothers in particular - have amazing strength to get through the daily challenges and obstacles of life. We are superheroes, and this necklace reminds me of that.
So, it's mission impossible trying to get anything done with a newborn around. She's in a phase where I have to either carry her or entertain her EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THE DAY or else she'll start with the never-ending screaming. She literally screams until she's choking and red in the face. I try to be the disciplinarian and let her cry and learn how to soothe herself and play on her own. But Babygirl is hardcore and she breaks me real quick.
So I entertain her 24/7. I read to her, play with her, sing to her. But once I reach my limit on how many times I can sing Itsy Bitsy Spider (her current favorite song ever), I often find myself flipping on the TV and getting sucked into reality shows while entertaining baby on my lap. Reality shows are to me like how crack is to a druggie. I knew it was bad for me, but I tried it out of curiosity, and next thing I knew I was hooked.
Pre-baby I was big into The Hills and Making the Band. But that was it. In fact, that was really the only TV I watched each week. I might dabble in Run's House or Snoop's Fatherhood here and there. But post-baby, I find that I spend most of my day watching TV. I got addicted to The Rachel Zoe Project and Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane, as well as shows like True Hollywood Stories, Project Runway, What Not to Wear, and America's Next Top Model. I even got pulled into - and I'm not proud to admit this - Paris Hilton's New BFF.
I don't know what is it about bad reality TV, but there's definitely something or else there wouldn't be so many. Maybe it's just entertaining to watch people make complete fools of themselves. Like Corrie on the BFF show.
I was flipping through the channels and settled on BFF since nothing else was on. I caught it just in time to see Corrie pleading her case to avoid elimination. Is homegirl for real? I didn't ask to be beautiful...I would tell my mom, "Mommy, I don't want to be pretty anymore!"...They call me Bikini Corrie because I earned it...I EARNED IT!!
You've got to be kidding me.
People acting a fool = bad television = good entertainment when your baby is holding you hostage from doing anything productive.
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